Vows To My Damn Self
Vows To My Damn Self
Women are taught to aspire to marriage. We are taught to dream of the day that we will be promised a life of love and happiness, but I think it’s more important to honor my commitments to myself, so here they are. These are my vows to my damn self, may they serve as a guidepost to my peace and contentment.
I will never forget that my favorite color is sunrise pink.
I will honor my love for October air and July rainstorms.
When life shows up and tries to demand that I play by the rules I will strap on my rollerblades and fly away, never forgetting that joy is speeding downhill just fast enough to take your breath away.
I will never allow the world to imprison me based upon the laws of “right and wrong.” Never again will I listen to what the world says I “should be doing.” I will remember that the only thing that I should be doing is living this life in a way that honors it as the gift it truly is.
I will take the time to marvel at the awe that I find myself surrounded by each day. Never rushing past the beauty of the sunrise or failing to stop and observe how the leaves dance in the crisp morning air.
I will not sacrifice myself for the sake of any job. Rendering myself unable to stop and pay reverence to the trees because I am due to clock in within the hour. Instead I will remember that in the unfortunate circumstance that my heart should find itself no longer able to carry on with the business of beating, that job would replace me before my body had the chance to grow cold.
Because of this fact I will honor my time as my own and I will spend it in the ways that I see fit. I will sit on park benches at noon in the middle of the week with nowhere to go besides inside of myself. Ignoring the capitalistic clatter that says I should be working or producing, oh no, instead, I will wave to the gardener as he passes and stop to muse over melons in the aisle of the grocery store.
I will work, but the work I do will be on my own terms because only I get to decide how my time is spent. It was given to me after all.
I will honor my need to sleep, to rest and to dream.
I will feed myself both spiritually and mentally. A steady diet of Benedictions, Surahs and Mantras. Cheesecake, pizza and red wine. Not taking the time to be concerned with what the rules say that I must have.
I will connect when I need to connect and I will retreat when isolation is essential.
I will create, letting words and art flow from my head and heart like the current that carried my ancestors. Because creativity has trusted me with its offspring, I will treat it with the utmost care, dressing it in its finest attire and presenting it to the crowd for consumption. Together we will marvel at its splendor, rejoice in its candor, and weep at its bed side.
I will love honor and cherish my one precious life as long as we both shall live.
Amen.