What It's Like to Need Mental Health Meds
“If you had diabetes and needed insulin, would you feel bad about having to take your insulin to survive?”
“Probably. I don’t like the idea of needing help to get through life. I don’t care what the problem is, I should be able to do it myself.”
“Why is it important to you that you get through life without help? You deserve help.”
Insert the hot silent tears that run down my face whenever my therapist reminds me that I have been programmed to believe that I don’t need or deserve help. Pushing through hard times, white-knuckling my way through, and doing it with a smile on my face was my mode of operation for most of my life. If you’re reading this post you probably have a similar way of doing things.
People like you and I like to believe that help is for everyone else. Other people deserve kindness, compassion, and assistance. But not us. We deserve a kick in the ass and a “get your shit together” speech in the mirror. My relationship with my mental health medication has forced me to heal the part of me that thinks I should have to do everything the hard way.
My First Introduction to Mental Health Meds
The first time I was ever prescribed mental health medication was when I found myself on an involuntary hold in a mental health hospital. Ironically, I went to see a psychiatrist that I’d found online for the first time thinking that he would prescribe me a few pills and send me on my way, turns out people who want to end their lives don’t get sent along their way. He had me admitted as a danger to myself and the psychiatrist at the hospital prescribed me Prozac and diagnosed me with Major Depressive Disorder.
For those of you who are new to the world of mental health meds, Prozac is the “go-to” first prescription for depression. It usually helps, from what I’ve heard, but it indeed did not help me. My depression is a bad bitch, and she fights hard. It took nearly a two-week hospital stay and multiple prescription shifts to stabilize me enough to send me home.
My Current Situation
That hospitalization was nearly 8 years ago. Since then I have had 3 different psychiatrists and been on dozens of other cocktails of mental health medications. I’ve also picked up a couple of new diagnoses that have helped me to better understand myself and how my brain works. As I type this, my current cocktail is a winner. The right blend of therapy coupled with anxiety, depression, and PTSD meds work well to keep me stabilized on most days.
Although I am so grateful for the stability that my meds bring me, there is a lot of grief around needing to be medicated. There is a huge part of me that wishes I didn’t need my meds, but the reality of the situation is that my meds help get me to a baseline of functionality necessary to live a full life.
My meds don’t do all of the heavy lifting for me. There are no magic pills. But my medicine normalizes my brain chemistry enough to assist me in doing the work of therapy and self-care needed to be mentally well.
Considering Taking Mental Health Medication?
There are a few things I wish I’d known before I started taking mental health medication that I want to share here for anyone who may also be considering it.
You will probably have to try multiple dosages and medications before you find what works, and even then you may need to adjust in the future if your body chemistry or life circumstances shift.
Go to a psychiatrist. Although family medicine and primary care practitioners can prescribe mental health meds, it’s better to see a specialist who is trained specifically in treating mental health conditions.
All medication has side effects. Don’t be afraid to ask what the side effects are and if the side effects are too much for you and make you want to discontinue treatment, tell your doctor, they can help.
Don’t stop any meds cold turkey. It can be dangerous and make you feel absolutely miserable.
There may be people who try to shame you for choosing medication to help treat your mental health, fuck those people.
You deserve help with your mental health, even if that help takes the form of medication.