Oops! I'm in Another Situationship

If I had a dollar for every tear I shed over a man that was technically NOT MY MAN, I would be able to retire right now to an island in Bora Bora and hire sexy half naked models to bring me margaritas and Frosted Flakes by the pool.

I have given so much mental, emotional, and physical energy to situationships that thinking about it literally makes me sick to my stomach.

Some of you lucky readers may be thinking..."What is a situationship?"

Well, my darling, consider yourself lucky to even have to ask.

Simply speaking, a situationship is when you find yourself in the gray area between a friends with benefits situation, and a real relationship.  

The boundaries are blurry, the feelings are intense, and the sex is usually beyond hot. 

In a recent session with my therapist, while talking about a current situationship I'd recently found myself in, I gave her an analogy that I think accurately sums up the idea of situationships in a way that anybody can relate to.

I told her, "It's kind of like someone wanting to get all the bells and whistles that come from paying for the full version of an app, but they only want to download the free trial version." They want the upgraded features, but don't want to pay the upgraded price. All of the benefits, none of the sacrifice

In a situationship you are often expected to give freely of your body, your emotions, your energy and your time, but when the subject of commitment or titles come up, there's awkward pauses, vague explanations, and usually a shit ton of avoidance. 

I started my first situationship about 2 weeks into my freshman year of college. He was my first taste of "grown up sex" and I was HOOKED! Of course he had a girlfriend, because that's just how these stories go. Naive college freshman meets sexy college frat boy, cue the cliche dramatic yet predictable story lines.

Now don't get me wrong, I had fun. The sex was amazing, the connection was authentic, and I made memories that I will hold closely for the rest of my life. I also made mistakes that cost me my self esteem, self worth, and internal understanding. 

The issue with situationships is that both people are not on the same page. One person wants more than the other person is willing to give. They don't understand each other and the haze of sexual intimacy just adds to the muddying of the waters. Her actions don't line up with her words. His intentions don't remain consistent over time, and things just go downhill fast. 

Fast forward 10 years and I wish I could tell you that "College Guy" was my first and last situationship. How after him I refused to settle for anything less than exactly what I wanted in all future romantic connections from that point on.

I wish I could tell you that I learned how to enjoy no strings attached sex, refused to emotionally invest until the feeling was mutual, and never walked away from any relationship feeling confused or like I didn't set clear boundaries.  

Unfortunately, that's just not the case. I continued through the years, picking up way too many emotional bruises along the way. "College Guy" was followed by "Rebound Guy" "Tinder Guy" and "Just Friends Guy"

I gave my body, mind, and heart to men that for whatever reason, just weren't ready to accept it. I stumbled along, learning lessons about myself that I wish I could've gotten in a hybrid online course instead of the school of hard-knocks that we call life. 

My hope is that moving forward I'll be able to be honest with myself about what I really want. That I can then confidently relay those messages to the men that choose to enter my life, and that I can once and for all say "never mind" to situationships that do not serve me.